Tuesday, August 21, 2007
It's been so long since I've updated my blog. Somehow I do not find the need to upload anything. It's not like anyone reads my blog anymore. Besides, my free time now is spent watching foxtel, channel surfing until I find what I like.
I don't know which to agree with: Foxtel is a god-sent, or Foxtel is gonna ruin my life! Really! I mean, I just sit on the couch, after uni, after dance, whenever I'm free. Which excludes the time I'm doing my uni work and Flare stuff. I'm not a TOTAL couch potato. I swear if I was I would just kill myself or throw Foxtel out the window.
Anywayz, Flare matters have kept me busy busy. Practices almost 4 times a week. With production coming in less than 2 months, I seem to be real excited yet nervous. After seeing CMG's tech-run, full dress and the real night of their performance, I remember the past 3 years of which I would run in and out of the theatre, camping there on the week of production day to night. It's just a blast! I really love my babes and dudes..our bubble tea sessions, table sitting and spending all our time just hanging around each other. It's not like we don't do that all the time. Cuz we do! We see each other at practices..either everyday or once in every 2-3 days. Who wouldn't love them?!
But on top of that, I feel like I'm on a roll in regards to my studies. Last semester, the late night studying with Am and Ni proved to pay off so much. For the first time in my uni years, I actually got the highest distinction! And so did Am! The most coincidental thing is that we were studying for our last papers which happened to fall on the same day, and we got high distinction for them! :)
Life has been same-o same-o. Choreo review is this friday! I haven't seen many pieces yet and look forward to having a look as to how much has been done. Also, organizing which pieces will come before which for the production! Also, Flare's FIRST EVER amazing race is this saturday!!! Since participating in the reality tv show is near to impossible, Flare's version would be so much more fun!
Anyway, Shar has set up a flare blog on our events and updates at www.flaredance.blogspot.com
Do I enjoy my life here in melbourne? It's not whether I enjoy it, it is about the people who enable me to enjoy my life here. If I even make sense. My friends, my baby, my knuckles darling, my first car that I ever own. I have really just built up my life here. Independent living (except for the fact that I rely a lot, like a parasite on my B :P), da-de-da. Will I go back to Singapore to work? Eventually. Firstly, I will need to find a firm in Singapore who will allow me to do internship during my summer break back. Guess I have to look harder.
Ness dream on 11:27 PM
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Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I really appreciate things and those people around me.
Just those hugs and sms-es just really perk me up every time. Thanks Suz..for being constantly checking up on me..I really don't know what I would have done if you were not there.
Somehow, just knowing that you were there was so reassuring. Hugs. I love you babe.
OjOj..Thank you too. Somehow, I can never be sad with you around. Your cheerfulness is contagious I swear! Muackers!
Flare has been good. Although it has its political side. I love the group of friends that I have formed and known through Flare. And we are not a Flare group. When we're together, we're just an awesome fun-loving group of friends who cherish each and everyone, valuing every little aspect of one another. We are just like any other group of friends, just so happen that we met at dance..and have this great passion for dance. Despite the hectic schedule we have now with exams and essays/assignments due, our appreciation for each other goes noticed by all.
People say we are the 'group'. But if you just look closer and take away Flare, we are a family of peeps with diff. careers/university degrees with a common interest. Can't people see pass us for being comfortable and loving to each other? I love them all and that is a fact. Nothing said or done will change that. Even when we're oceans apart...and I miss these peeps so much now..I don't feel any less connected with them. I miss them every time but that's the way of life of an overseas university student. Deal with it! And yes, we have..and all will have to do sometime.
Anyway..dedication to Flare peeps. I love you and nothing that anyone says will change what we have. Peeps jealous of us will just have to realize that we put in effort to make what we had, it did not just happen with the snap of our fingers. Come on man, even gatherings before someone leaves Australia, whether for holiday or for good..It's all cuz we love each other and appreciate. I state A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E each other hence the organized gatherings. And I will be NO WHERE IN MELBOURNE if not for them. I'd be a bored university student..just waking up..brush teeth..go to uni..come back..sleep. B.O.R.I.N.G!!
AKA I love my life and I'm going to make full use of it. Depression and Sadness are phases in life..of which when I blog I sound super helpless and have no where to go. (and I know this when I'm in that process *bleah* - I'm emotional, and I'm just human and a girl) But my group of friends are here in Melbourne with me - my family away from home.
Peace out and muackers to moi fwenz!
Ness dream on 12:15 PM
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Friday, May 18, 2007
Life of Innocence once more
How I wish I could turn back time and be young, free from the world.
How I wish I could be satisfied with my life and people around me.
Free from emotions I want to be. It just sucks to have a roller-coaster of emotions.
Free to roam around and not care how I would affect other people...
It's happening again..
Depression has set in..I don't feel like eating. It's been 2 days. I'm not on a freaking diet. My heart feels so heavy..I don't even care if my friends look at me and know that there must be something happening to me..or hug me and ask if i'm okie..
Lack of self-confidence. And I can't do anything about it. But somehow I have to deal with it. Insecurity. Unmotivated. Suicidal thoughts (I know that's it's stupid and so many pple are going to come and talk to me now). Staring into blank space when I'm driving.
Went to Cirque du Soleil yesterday. It was awesome. It was spectacular. Performers were amazing. Costumes were out of this world. Music and voices were heavenly. But I knew that I did not have an enjoyable experience.
Perhaps one day things will be back to normal. I will feel like a child again. That perhaps I could walk the streets and smile to myself just because I was happy.
Or maybe, I just need to let go, move on. Go home. To Singapore, where my parents are. Where my girlfriends are. Where I know that when I'm home, nothing is impossible. Home is where I can have memories, good and bad, yet overcome the bad and still live a fulfilling live..and move on.
How I wish of a life of Innocence once more..
Ness dream on 1:00 AM
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Monday, April 16, 2007
I used to say that my parents come so many times..
I used to say that I'm glad that they are not around..
I was just being stubborn
Just sent my parents to airport about an hour plus ago, they are boarding the plane in about 30 mins. I blardie hell miss them. My family has never ever expressed our love openly before, and so I find it hard to do so, even now.
I hate the fact that they have left
I hate the fact that they came for such a short while, and most of the time they weren't even in Melb
I hate the fact that I'd probably see them at the end of the year
I hate the fact that I'm alone again
I just want to go back to when I was in Singapore, when I didn't have to care about anything else but my studies.
I loved it when they were here and they settled everything and as it was the holidays, I just relaxed.
I didn't have to cook, do the dishes, do any house chores, even clean up after knuckles..
I miss them so much..and as funny as it may seem..I don't think they would ever know that..
I'm home sick and it sucks that I am missing them so much..
Ness dream on 12:15 AM
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Ness
Female
20
21st Nov 1985
scorpio
Australia, Melbourne
Student @ Melbourne University
loves my baby, lil knuckles, flareians, dancing, singing
hates hypocrites...(but i forgive easily..)
nessa21@gmail.com
::am
::amanda
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